I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
