anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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