bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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