dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
