So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i now understand why vodka
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
