i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
