wat bout pragnant strippers??
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
