You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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