U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
