Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
