im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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