break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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