She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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