ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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