I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
