whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
