Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
