I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Randomize
