guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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