my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
