just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
