I didn't shave. On purpose
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
