I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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