omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
