I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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