I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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