i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
