I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
