You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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