Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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