What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
