worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
