Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize