i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
