ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
