I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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