I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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