What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
