Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
