I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
