Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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