he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
