My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
