i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
