so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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