Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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