No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I can't put those talents on a resume
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
