Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Randomize
