idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
