i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
