i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You can't special order awesome
His hands were made for my vagina.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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