Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
